Reverend Levi Healy, Missionary to Cambodia, Delivers the Dedication Address for the New, New Baptist Church of Angkor
We are not pessimists. We believe in the power of God above all things. Exodus: I held half a dozen figs in one hand. That was the night we ran, the night giant roots stalked the jungle floor like ivory poachers, the night roots wrapped our walls and nudged at the foundations—they pierced the stone weak, caught the pieces as they fell. Merciful Lord, the pieces did not fall. Take a moment to locate the exit doors, but do not worry. We are better now; our pillars no longer carved, balanced things but roots extending deeply, firmly, far into the ground. We’ve installed amplified sound sets, and the figs— some are as big as my head, require two hands. This is a celebration. No one fled, not one of us, as roots like ungroomed fingers hugged our chests. Genesis: our ribs were plucked and replaced, bone for cellulose. We lived, praise God, to make better preparations. Revelation: seven plagues will come upon us. Platinum-level donors will be given flame retardant suits and capes made of Kevlar, anodized steel cups for their genitals. Jesus was crucified but saved himself that He might sit at the Lord’s right hand, that we might live faithfully. Chain restraints will bind members to their seats should Satan’s lizards invade the sanctuary. Ceiling jets will spew insecticide in the event termites lurk hungry for lignin, our skeletons.