1. I told him I scratch inside my ears with the head of a straight pin. Or a toothpick.
A Q-tip is is just too soft and round. I need something a little bit sharp to really soothe
that loud itch. He didn’t say anything.
2. I told him sometimes I pick dead skin off the bottom of my feet. I pick it.
And I peel it. Sometimes I chew it like a cud. I don’t eat it. Sometimes there
are small dunes of heel skin at my bedside, like dried cocoons. I often wear
socks when I go to the doctor or get a massage so no one will see my raggedy
3. When I was 8, I put a dead spider in my grandmother’s bowl of strawberries.
It was in my bowl of strawberries first, its black legs splayed against the berry’s
redness like sloppy stitches. I don’t know why I didn’t just put it in my napkin
and throw it in the garbage.
4. When I was 10, I put a teaspoon of Drano in my best friend’s cereal bowl. I
was using Drano to clean ballpoint pen off my white patent leather purse. It
didn’t work. And I was convinced I’d gotten Drano in my mouth. I didn’t want
to die alone.
5. I covet everything but cats.
6. I hate more now than I have ever hated in my life.
7. I am begging (like a dog) to be absolved. I’ve carried the shame from these
sins for sixty odd years like a growth.
8. Please forgive me. I need to be righteous, as righteous as possible.
9. I want to fight.
10. I want to fight the evil.
11. There is evil afoot.