Contributions by Publius

Directives from Downtown

By | Prose, Publius

The following directives have come from the head office, known to all of us simply as “downtown”. 1. Downtown has mandated that 70% of all English lessons involve the teaching of non-fiction. 2. We are not to use our textbooks for the teaching of non-fiction. We are to xerox everything. 3. We need to cut …

Data Driven Research

By | Prose, Publius

In education, we are fond of data. Data driven instruction. Data based results. So here is a bit of data. I have 160 students, seven classes. And counting. This is only the first week. But let’s say I stay at 160 students. And let’s say I give each student a few paragraphs to write. And …

My First Girlfriend

| Humor, Prose, Publius

by Publius The other day, all the teachers had to put security checks on our payroll accounts. So there’s ten questions. Your mother’s maiden name. Your high school. Like that. Then there’s, “What was your first girlfriend’s name?” Three of us are doing it together, so North says, “Sally.” And Art says, “My first girlfriend …

Where White People Come From

| Humor, Prose, Publius

by Publius My student teacher is answering questions, explaining where his people come from. “I’m 100% European,” he says. A young lady who’s black says, “You come from England or some such?” “Oh, no, I mean you have to go back generations …”. “Oh, I get it,” she says. “You mean your family comes from …

Run Did I

| Humor, Prose, Publius

by Publius In the parking lot, maybe a half-hour before first period, just as I pull-up I see our crazed educational consultant pull-up in the parking lot. She has this way of hovering around the door, and, without so much as a “Good Morning”, just goes some onerous task she wants the teacher to complete. …

The Millardians

| Humor, Prose, Publius

by Publius It’s Senior Prank Season. This year’s Best In Show goes to the kid who snuck out of class, and put lubricated condoms on each of the outer third floor doorknobs. I don’t approve of this, which is not the same as saying that it doesn’t garner a certain perverse respect on my part. …

I scorn to change my state with kings

| Humor, Prose, Publius

by Publius There’s an announcement, an “emergency faculty meeting” immediately after school. On the way, North mumbles something like, “Somebody better be having sex with a student, because I was planning a barbeque.” It turns out that we, the district, need to spend half a million dollars by Friday. Someone downtown didn’t read the bit …

The Why Jar

| Prose, Publius

by Publius Debbie came to work with her sweater tied around her waist. For that, she got a letter of reprimand from the principal. Debbie is beautiful, Phi Beta Kappa from Northwestern, and extraordinarily competent after only two years on this job. So, of course, the principal hates her. But she doesn’t ask why. I …