Edward Scissorhands

I couldn’t make this up.

             I love this job.   At the end of work on Monday, we’re told that “there will be a faculty meeting after school for fifteen minutes.”   True to their word, it only took fifteen minutes to tell us that downtown just mandated yet another standardized test.   This one test will take up the best part of two days, and disrupt everyone’s schedule.

When I say the meeting took fifteen minutes, I’m not including the screams.

Sam gave us instructions.   Someone asked, “When did you get put in charge?”

“Fifteen minutes before the meeting, right after downtown called.”

So downtown mandates that, on the first day, we will give the kids instructions for the test.   The kids then will bubble-in their names on the test sheets.   There’s also a brief interest inventory.   For this, the kids will be given three hours.   The next day, we will proctor the test.   We’re given three hours for a test that is timed, 140 minutes.

I asked what they plan to do with the kids who aren’t taking this test, the sophomore, the juniors and seniors.   They get to go to the auditorium, and watch a movie.   “Edward Scissorhands”.   I seem to be the only one who noticed that we’re planning to show “Edward Scissorhands” for six hours.

I suggested that, if the kids get tired of that movie, they show Andy Warhol’s “Empire”.   Someone wrote down my suggestion.   “Empire” is that eight hour movie Warhol made, wherein he filmed the darkened Empire State Building one whole night.   One continuous shot.   Eight hours.   A light comes on around hour four.


Filed under: Prose, Publius