We had “an emergency faculty meeting”. So I took these notes.
“– The state test is coming up. Get worried.
— Teach the test and nothing else.
— We need everyone to pass the state test. So don’t give it to any kids who won’t pass.
— According to a new state regulation, we can now exempt some kids (they’re described as the lizards) who we know will flunk. Kids, for example, who have been speaking English for an hour fifteen minutes. So flunk anyone who won’t pass the test.
— On the other hand, the state mandates that we have a 95% passing rate. So don’t flunk anybody, because that makes us look bad.
— Also don’t give anyone a D. That makes us look like we’re passing kids we would otherwise flunk. Which, of course, is true.
— So if a kid is going to flunk, give the kid a C.
— Everyone is here all the time. We also need a 95% attendance rate. The last two weeks, we will have 100% attendance.
— To repeat. Do well on the test, and get the lizards out. But don’t flunk them. And everyone is here all the time.
— Oh, and don’t write the answers on the board. That made us look bad last year, because it made us look too good. That’s why we have to get a 91% this year. We got an 81% last year.
— Have a good day.”